At the end of the nineteenth century, the economically minded Highland Railway [advised that,] "when new copies of the working timetables are being issued to members of staff, the old timetables must be collected and torn up for lavatory use." [SRO, BR/TT(S)/60/17.] Quoted by Jack Simmons in The Express Train and Other Railway Studies, 1994, p.196.
A chalk notice on Dingwall station on Good Friday  read, "Gents Lavatory Closed - Please Use Buffet Facilities." One trusts that pea soup was not on the menu that day. [Reported in Branch Line News No 442, 27 May 1982.]
Letter From The Editor
To Dick Laws, Esq.,
3 September 2011
Dear Mr Laws,
As a new boy on the block, I naturally have no wish to incur the wrath of the Politically Correct Thought Police by continuing with the supposedly inaccurate title that my predecessor concocted prior to his handing over of the editorial green eyeshade and blue pencil. I have therefore suggested a slight modification to remove the false implication of speediness and instead lay some emphasis on this organ being a repository for opinion. That you may consider that the Far North "Express" trains form "one of the slowest services in the land" is one such opinion.
As for your suggested alternative title of "Far North Tortoise", I am afraid that I would consider this a slur on those slightly ponderous creatures. Might I remind you that the late Mr Æsop wrote of a race between the tortoise and the hare in which the former crossed the finishing line first. The latter, despite his ability to accelerate the faster, failed to build enough recovery time into his schedule. Remember also the injunction of the almost as late Mr Robert Louis Stevenson that to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.
I trust that future criticisms of editorial policy will be delivered only when they are fully justified. I for one shall work to see that that is always the case.